somecogitation

2006-09-22T08:04:00.000-04:00

New Blog
Google released a beta version that makes it easier via mobile phone and link with other technologies. I figure I would go ahead and make the jump. The new title is alot like this one.
See you over there, I hope to edit the framework soon.

2006-09-21T08:42:00.000-04:00

fall
just got here, or so it seems..... and its amazing.
Makes me want to drink even more coffee.

sufjan
I went to the show last night. It was my second time to see him and I am still trying to figure out how much I liked it. He is a mysterious musician who studied fiction, so its hard to completely figure out his lyrics and imagery, none the less it was amazing. It was a more "professional" feel, one that would impress symphony lovers.

your mom told me about
Pandora, an amazing music adventure - check it.

2006-09-12T09:52:00.000-04:00

try to
but rarely do I succeed in meeting the goals I set for myself.
At the end of the day what is the bottom line?
My quota, that certain goal, my accomplishments?
How is it that I value myself, my day, my career, my love, my everything?

These are the questions I am asking more and more. Being in a job with firm goals and playing a ministry role where finished products are just that, tangible items, I constantly look at the bottom line.
It's how I am wired, it's how I make excuses, it's how I hurt people, it's how....So many things.

kk
The women of world renown, and also known as my mom, turned an older age today. She is an amazing women who has made me like Freud more - I like her so much I look for qualities that I see in her in the girls that I call my friends and the one I hope to one day call my wife. A trippy realization. Love you KK.

article
A good article referencing the Pope, don't know much about Him but from what I read he sounds cool.

quick update on me: a rare form of cogitation for dem' der' blog
I should close on the house next week, that's good stuff however, totally a new concept for me to grasp. Pretty much every facet of life is new within the last two years. From experienced grace to new hauntings. I wouldn't go as far to say that mo' money = mo' problems, but I would say that to those who have been entrusted with much, .....are still trying to figure out what to do. This weighs in through subtle signs and failure to steward who and what you have been given.
I will even go so far as to say that I am dating someone. wow, never thought I would say that via a blog, or say it period, but just felt like dropping that one.

to come
identity - how I rest my soul on perceptions of me. This has been a struggle for years and how I lure people into giving me power and control over situations through continuing the empowering of such perceptions. This applies to all of us, how it blooms is different. This weed still has thick roots that continues to be nurtured by anti-truth and shallow subtleties disguised as gifts.

2006-09-01T06:36:00.000-04:00

causality
relish the moment. the feel of the room. the moment your emotions awake to sense all that makes sense. While in the same breath you taste the depravity of man and yet its glorious upheaval.

in a room
You practice diplomacy when knowing the concern of their soul.
Having the moment to play hamlet you play the stoic for the sake of awkward.
You have done it for years, regretting the fact that you did not say or did not listen.
Shed diplomocacy for indecency, souls long to become undignified.

cash, shiloh, & cooper
are dogs and they are all at the house and they all are waiting for me to come home to feed them and pet them and clean up after them and yell at them to stop fighting and to put them to bed and to feed them again and to bark so they can howl back and to run around with socks so we slide all over the wood floors and to feed them again.

bob your head
fugees

bob your head
google books

um. click me.

2006-08-30T18:40:00.000-04:00

whoa
nelly.

2006-08-24T06:59:00.000-04:00

high places
is a relative term. one that can only exist in conjuction with a reference, a point of which to compare. one might think it is the lowly which references the high, where one supports the other as the roots of a tree support that which abound above.

However it is surely the higher which supports the lower. For when one is low, he does not know it - he is there in the shadows, where no day light breaks and the curse of the night is long. They are dead.
And though I visit the lowly places, I am not made for those places. My feet have been enabled to go upon the high places.

The low places are not to be confused with sorrow and brokeness, these too are high places, however the echoes from the canyon below ring loud and remind one of the shadows which lurk below.

Hab 3:19

martin
His humor delights and his innonce never fairer. You delight in him and sing Psalms over him. You have held your family close, You have made your glory tangible, fore we know more of your mercy and lovingkindness. Continue your work oh Lord, that men and women may praise Your name. Signs and wonders we do not need, however we believe You want to make yourself known through our bodies and our lives and our reign with You.
amen.

2006-08-21T07:55:00.000-04:00

the mts
no pics, beuno times.

scale
never knowing to what depths my emotion will go, I have been surprised as of late.
wonder has become a closer companion and expectation a friend.
fear tends to creep in, driving all desired notions to a halt.
I was beginning to think my skin leather and my heart cold.

what you and i long for may be coined differently, however the notion is the same.
though you call her by name or by occupation, we still search cisterns, we still find nothing.
there is but once source.
this source goes by one name, no other.
false presuppositions, though promising, promise nothing.
they can not, they do not exist.
water does not lay in that cistern.

2006-08-17T07:15:00.000-04:00

yo.
lots going on. tried writing something called "church and stale twinkies" but He didnt want those words on here, so i just deleted them.
I am pious, this is not a new admition, one however that never ceases to get old. I wish it would. I wish I would grow weary of my haughty attitude and wit towards demise.

casa and thoughts
i am attempting to buy a house. its nothing crazy and nothing that is for sure, but have started the process. one of my closest friends is about to get married. it has happened with ease. they have gracefully made their way to love and to love each other. not in love with love, though i am sure it is a struggle as it is with all. they have taught me alot that i have yet to learn, if that makes sense.

headed to the smoky mountains this weekend. going to sleep in, fish, hike, drink good beer, and hang with some bro's. will post some pics.

2006-08-07T11:48:00.000-04:00

i sigh...
sigh; a release of breath that signifies a relaxed or grieved state.

after a long day and i realize my security is set.
because I have not been given her.
when thinking of everything my parents have done.
when failure looms.
when having coffee, wine, beer, or other controlled substances with people who love.
after choosing life.
when my pillow doesn't yell at me.

what i find
kids dont let kids shun the lem

let us redifine sophism.
where particulars not lay particularly with experience. let feelings accompany truth, which can be definable using the rules of logic and the mediums of communication. where age is a bearing, but has no utter resemblence on knowledge of the eternal and the unfolded mystery of the gospel.

in the news
Any person who has become awakended from the "sleep of ignorance" by directly realizing the true nature of reality is called a Buddha. I think I just saw him drinking a latte.

2006-08-03T06:52:00.000-04:00

slip of the hand
4 shots on ice is the norm. her hand slipped, she gave me 6.
here's to a great thursday.

2006-07-30T15:07:00.000-04:00

i hate when i feel
lonely is my ultimatum.
lonely is the closest thing to blackmail I have.
you can have all of me if...

The perceived leads ways, truth a distant second.
I relish more moments that have yet to happen than moments that have.
This can be called one of two things, optimism or schizophrenia.
The latter, most would think, includes talking to bananas and rhinos in the shower.
I have concluded that the border is closer than once thought.

reality
is that people have never been more present in reminding me of truth.
for this i am grateful and your words are burning into the brain, surely, however slowly.
please continue.

absolute
I ran into someone last night who did not believe in absolute truth. they were absolutely sure that there was no such thing as absolute truth. i didn't say anything, but i wanted to punch her.
mom's teach your kids the lnc.

worth a watch
click here

2006-07-26T07:19:00.000-04:00

grace hangs low
for this i am thankful. to this I owe my sanity and ability to live.
the law is high, i can not possibly reach it.
i have yet to grasp it or drink from its cup.
though the thirst is present, I have acquired a new craving.

_____
music
Sufjan came out with a new one, its pretty good. Tickets are secure for Sept's show, this is bueno. Eluvium has been my reading music and the addiction continues to build, goes great with coffee. (what doesn't)

2006-07-23T15:49:00.000-04:00

the L word

I am at loss for why, but the feeling of absolute lonliness creeps in.
What do you do with it?
Do you blog about it? Mope about it?
Surround yourself with people?
When the season hits I want to crawl into my shell.
Peak my head out for water, food, coffee, sales calls.....thats about it.
_______

A crowded room with no one in site.
Everyone is doing just as they did yesterday, but all of a sudden I am at a loss.
No one can hit the spot, the wound stays open, the air stings.
I speak up, so I can be heard, so the feeling comes back.
But it doesn't. It never does.

2006-07-19T07:17:00.000-04:00

"Intent is King"

The world in which I work and play would beg to differ. Content is king.
Always inclined to look pretty, go the extra mile, follow the "blessed be's" - one loses site of the intent to focus on the content. Perhaps you can't even say we have lost site of the intent, maybe we have have always looked at the content. It's our nature, it's taught to us in schools. Sure there is this notion that is mentioned from time to time, but in all reality, this notion is foreign and it never makes it to the playground.

So we go. So we say. So we play.
Then, by grace, the light goes off. We realize it isn't us. No matter what lust I create or attempt to plagiarize, there is something more alluring still.

The most effective way of withdrawing the heart from one object is not by turning it away upon desolate and unpeopled vacancy, but by presenting to its regard another object more alluring still.
-thomas chalmers

2006-07-15T15:20:00.000-04:00

contradiction
Dust & divinity. The quandary that begs humanity's attention.

Having aspirations of the heavens, yet possessing this quo - frustrations grow. Frustrations like loneliness, identity, & altruism have somehow made their way to my mirror. At the forefront, they are exposed - yet conscious incompetence has begun to burn them into the glass. I see it. It's so obvious where my fears lay, and how they spring forth, and how people who love me see them and how they still love me.

I am grateful for the promise,
It allows me to breath deep. It allows me to exhale. It gives me freedom.

on the side
I saw Derek Webb last night, he is bueno. His Mockingbird album is worth taking to heart. If you have a chance to go hear him live, don't miss it!

2006-07-12T23:27:00.000-04:00

when I was young
you told me there was no life there. my soles worn thin, i did not believe. how could I? no security exist in the position of volition, "only strong wills survive." apriori causes stomach aches. postpriori regrets. no riddle solved, i disdain the law I work to keep. promise kept. apriori now equals alpha and I can rejoice. thanks.

not so vague
"9-5" must have been made up long ago. work is good, i have never had to work so hard at being "decent" at something.
pictured below is turtle back falls, north caroline is bueno.
love you mom.

2006-07-06T08:39:00.000-04:00

"so how are you?"
this question is more like a riddle as of late.
wondering how to answer, a slight silence falls, and i attempt to reach the medium between truth and brevity.

2006-06-21T20:37:00.000-04:00

sometimes
you just feel overwhelmed. where the burden came from - who knows? but its here and you feel the pressure. wear a smile, wear a frown, either way you wear something.

putting on truth is something I would like to wear more often. but I dont. burdens give me something to do. gives me a reason to flip the lid of my laptop and hurrdily type the next email.

so i listen to music sometimes. it makes me transcend to a certain degree. so does coffee and books and friends that allow me to breath deep. do you know those friends? the ones where as soon as you get in their presence you let out a sigh, and the pressure in your chest releases.

and this post has spread over a two day span and I now feel 180* different than yesterday. I feel light. i can chalk it up to time spent reading truth or the new beta version of outlook that keeps my working world straight. i'll chalk it up to truth today.

martin pray for him. His surgery went well and I am going to see him today. You don't have to know him or what he looks like or all the details, please just pray.

2006-06-13T14:59:00.000-04:00

and more
so a bunch o' randomness the past few days, which I welcome with open arms. I am a fan of random.

It's weird how it catches your eye. Perhaps that quality you have never noticed before or the movement of their eyes after an exchange. the way the sky looks when you squint your eyes bc the sun is so bright. or how certain smells always seem new and everytime you are surprised by them.

its the angle of your view. call it the mood, the hour, the settings - but veils are pulled back on beauty and very rarely at your discretion. its not when you least expect it persay,its closer to "I was blind but now I can see."

so the sun will rise tomorrow, that's just the word on the street.

2006-06-11T15:12:00.000-04:00

peeing on an airplane

is a great feat when done standing up. I am a man, therefore I stand. But at 20,000 ft one is tempted to sit, I mean who knows what could happen. I resisted and came through successful.

2006-06-08T23:34:00.000-04:00

houston|austin
headed your way.

martin
pray for martin elvington.

2006-06-04T15:38:00.000-04:00

close
to look at a situation, a relationship, a blessing from afar may cause disbelief. to have once realized, once tasted, once danced with or held close, sat and talked, once understood,enjoyed laughter together - now past it seems so far. now past its almost surreal, as if it never happened.

moving from possession to separation leaves you wondering if it did happen. "How could..." becomes the beginning of sentences and times of silence are spent remembering senses and emotions that accompanied such settings.

what are we to do, surely not forego future moments at the thought of separation, but to stand close and present in the surrealness of such acts. as two immortals mingling in the temporal called today. enjoying drink, tears, laughter, sweat, and even death. together.

2006-05-24T07:32:00.000-04:00

2 venti's

With a new job comes a new morning routine, I am pleased with the current. It starts around 5:30am which includes 3 alarms and an open window - the neighborhood dogs start about then as well.

3 out of 5 mornings I have a meeting at Starbucks, so I have got here early to do the reading that I want to do each day. From work papers to my bible, I have also started listening to Eluvium ,thanks to my friend Michael at work,(talk about setting the mood) bc the music in here is a bit chipper for me in the morning.

There looks to be 3 regulars along with me this early in the morning, all of which are readers. A guy who always sits on those purple chairs that you never know what may live inside is reading a book on Roman history. A Young guy, gets here at about 7 every morning. There is a young lady who shows around 6:30ish and she is reading a pretty thick fiction novel, all the baristas know her name (that will prob be me soon). I think she is getting weirded out by the purple chair guy bc there are all these open seats and he goes and sits next to her. This usually means she leaves within 10 or so minutes - it will be interesting to watch. There is a man in his 40's who is reading the DaVinci code, have you heard of it? Its some kind of big deal. He is a dedicated reader, the book is nearing its end and he seldom looks up, perhaps when a lady wears really loud shoes or jiggles their key chain containing a key to everything that she has ever needed a key for. (ie. kk's key chain)

And then there is me, the fourth reader. Not sure what they make of me - I either where rags and flip flops or some kind of business attire. Laptop or bible, alone or with 4 salesman. A conversation is due somewhere. I sorda hope one spills their coffee on me or something for a good reason to start a conversation.

2006-05-23T22:16:00.000-04:00

slacking on the blogs.

2006-05-18T23:00:00.000-04:00

lack of thought
I have had very little time to let things marinate. little coming in and little going out in regards to things of depth. tis the season or apathy? that is the question i am asking myself.

When life gets busy, is it life? Or is it a hamster on a wheel?
So the struggle goes. Laundry piling high. Books and journal neglected. Cell minutes unused.
Roy - well, he's fine. I think.

travel
coming houston June 9
going to austin june 11.
if you live there hit me up.
cafe brasil anyone?

2006-05-12T11:24:00.000-04:00

flake
my middle name as of late. from forgetting peoples names to canceling last minute. I even forgot to call my uncle who was headed back to africa...just totally forgot.
So I call this lifescience.

i am flunking the course.
So if I have crapped on you please show me grace, if I havent - i may. Show me grace. I am eating off too many plates and thats on me, no excuses.
This weekend's goal is to figure put which plates to put down, in some cases it may feel like dropping them.

Ravi
went to Ravi Zacharias last night, muy bueno!

2006-05-07T22:37:00.000-04:00

social-light
i always wander what the line is. when have i spread my self too thin, when am i over committed and under utilized. if there is a line i am dancing on it. its tiring to be honest.

slo-mo sin
lately the world seems to slow down when i sin. somewhat like a zack morris moment, where I have the opportunity to turn but I don't. I am very knowingly not loving that person, very knowingly playing the flattery one up you game, very knowingly xyz. Its pretty sickening. Its pretty sickening how obvious it all is. Its pretty glorious that its being pointed out.

yarp
my aunt and uncle have been in africa for the past decade or so. They are experiencing some rough times there, as is the region in general. Gas supply is expected to dry up and that is not a good thing, esp for them who must do so for their work and more.
The area is Nairobi in Kenya. I will update soon.

2006-04-28T14:46:00.000-04:00

weird
so last time I came to Vegas I had a small crush on a girl and it kept me straight as an arrow despite my "I am freakin 22, senior in college, who cares" mentatlity.

So this go round.
I am on the 20th floor in Mandalay Bay (pretty pimp) and have not really had peace being here at all. Its great to see family and have some good conversations.....but the whole prone to wonder part of that song....well its apparent and in my face.

I am also reading Freedom of Simplicity which adds to the whole hermit thing.
To add I was up $300 last night in about 20 minutes. I was even 6 hours later.....so I cashed out.

barry manilow is weird
fact. i went to the concert due to pressure from family and having a free ticket. he knows how to make someone in the postmodern generation feel awkward.

*this is kk and G to the ma' - getting what is called "jiggy" - yes, barry passed out glow sticks.

2006-04-20T23:31:00.000-04:00

muy tired
lots going on right now.

i took a job working for an IT company, going to be doing whats called Account Management. Cool people, cool company, great opportunity.Could not pass up the chance to work for these people.

hope you are well.

2006-04-19T19:55:00.000-04:00

inclined
I am inclined to love her.
But I am not convinced I have permission.
Sure I have the right to.
Sure I have the desire to.
But in my quest for a having a single mind does this also mean singleness?

Singleness for a season?
Singleness for life?

One of my many questions that this stage in life lends itself to.
Understand this is not self pity nor a frustration, but a healthy wrestling of thought, action, and desires.

2006-04-18T13:35:00.000-04:00

in sparkle city
headed back to Atlanta in about 15 minutes....3 hour drive ahead of me, nothing a few shots can't help. Esspresso of course.

My next 3-5 years just got figured out to a large degree about 42 minutes ago. pretty crrazy feeling.
whew.

2006-04-13T06:53:00.000-04:00

holistic

Somehow this mindset traverses all the boundaries society and I have set for it. Where legality and liberalism have met and I was allowed to sit close by and listen to the discussion.

One claiming justice and the other claiming life, they reconciled, neither however losing any one stance or any one grace. The discussion could have gone on for hours, but it was quick. With each having political parties, books, and philosophers behind them, they dismissed them all, realizing none of the above truly had any stake other than selfish ambitions and the tickling for discussion.

2006-04-10T08:23:00.000-04:00

59.7 miles
Is how far I drove yesterday to get to blood mountain, good times. I love Atlanta for various reasons but one is because it offers so much in so little distance. A cool city that has everything to offer as any other city I can think of along with mountains and beach at a decent drive. Not to mention all 4 seasons.

success
is the topic I am teaching on in a few weeks. Sitting at top of the mountain, here are some the houghts I had....feel free to give me some feedback.

What is success?
-who defines it
-when is it achieved
-is there such thing
-is it finite
-who is......
-who isn't......
-why do we crave it
-how many faces does it have
-is it given or imparted

Some pics from the hike be below (oh and Robby trying to make a move):

2006-04-08T23:02:00.000-04:00

wondering if
my thin skin has thick bandages?

bandages include but are not limited to the following;
work
singleness
the gym
sarcasm
feux composure
quick words

2006-04-07T08:30:00.000-04:00

run around
I always run around the fact that joy/peace/patience/success/mindset/_______ come not outside of our Lord.
It is not designed to be so simple (shallow)......it is designed to be good. If joy were starbucks (as the point of purchase displays claim) we would all wear huge smiles as well as brown teeth. It is not on our terms - where we write the contract. However, terms are given and they are good. Actually enjoyable.

other news
my last day at the office will be spent making labels for our product packaging....we have about a 1000 variations. something tells me I won't finish. my first last day of a real job.

your news:
what it be?

2006-04-06T10:15:00.000-04:00

get smarter
by listening to music that is good you will get smarter.
Massive Attack

They just came out with a CD named "collected". An assortment of some of their greatest works. Support your local british artists.

2006-04-05T11:31:00.000-04:00

decisions
so many decisions
so much grace

2006-04-04T17:49:00.000-04:00

knowing
allows for eye contact. encourages action. discourages apathy. screams clarity. makes room for peace. wants others to know.

2006-03-31T07:27:00.000-05:00

ambition
I am fully ware, is one of my greatest faults. Reckless progress is perhaps no progress at all. Where weary souls are, well.... weary souls. Frankly I don't have time for them. This is in distinct contrast to the portrait of life. Where rubber comes 7 inches from meeting road and where low hanging fruit is left for the swine.

The line between tension and rest is ever so faint, our soul is always inclined towards rest - however it tends to take the long way round.

status: well a few people have asked, so here i shall tell.
yes I have resigned from my job. do I have a job lined up? Sorda.
I am going to be doing marketing/communications/janitor duties for a few different companies. My hands sweat as I type that, both excited and absolutely nervous. i may need to borrow some people's couches.

2006-03-27T09:05:00.000-05:00

all the while

You are walking and all of a sudden you notice something you have never seen before. Be it a building, a restaurant, or a can of green beans. It was there and you just didn't see it. "Perceiving is believing" the adage goes.

My perception, as of late, has been hit by a bus on numerous occasions. (now switching from personal to universal)
These are no hit and run instances, they even occur in slow motion, leaving little room for error in recounting the occasion. Passer-bys are left, not horrified, blessed by the notion that the truth is revealed. Blessed by the individual that can now love them and not the false perception of them.

In many cases we are left wondering what it is that we truly love about a person. What we hold dear in them or what we seek to gain from them. The equation gets cloudy as we long for intimacy but strive for gain in other areas of life. Somewhere the lanes merge and we didn't signal, a crash ensued, and all parties are left calling their insurance companies looking to file claims.

Tomorrow loves today, for its being depends on it.

2006-03-21T08:53:00.000-05:00

fo' rizzle
times are freakin crazy, but I seem to be enjoying life...so that is cool.

so here goes my "fo' rizzle theory of margin of utility in every day work theory"
-i know it doesn't make sense.

Fo' Rizzle Theory of Margin of Utility In Every Day Work Theory:
When operating under capacity your soul know its. It's an intrinsic notion of a built in longing for more.
A friend who is very close to me always talks about the "high side of average" and how depending on the person and the task at hand, we all have the potential to be in that part of the bell curve. Sports, marketing, speaking, baking, writing, curling (an Olympic fav - not included in the sports category), and more.

I still look back at my Marketing Channels course in college. Oh Dr. Erdem - how you taught me who is daddy.
Have you ever had to study the captions in the text book? Well this was one of those courses, the cap stone to your degree that many people took 3 and 4 times to get through. I have never studied so hard and my "C" was a victory for the ages. That "C" is more glorious than any "A" that I earned to date, because I tried and knew that I could do no more.

I can not pull off what I am now doing alone. God must go to bat for me to get the things done that I need to get done, not to mention do well. This leaves me knowing who is at work, not I.

I can even relax in this state odd enough. Knowing that my stability lies in sources other than I allows me to operate freely and confidently. My pillow lies quite as I quietly lay upon it.

"Not me" says the guilty who is declared innocent by the only who can do so.

funny: click here

2006-03-17T07:38:00.000-05:00

green
are you wearing it?

beer
are you gonna have one?

2006-03-13T23:34:00.000-05:00

yo yo

traveling throws a brotha off.
had some of the best times ever this past weekend in the A-B-Q.
(might I add very cool coffee shops).

mom says that when you combine 8 of the 9 you have one of the greatest days ever recorded. kk is always right.

1) mountains
2) scrabble
3) chuck norris jokes
4) all you can eat meat restaurant
5) irish music (free!)
6) sushi
7) best friends
8) coffee
9) snow

2006-03-05T19:37:00.000-05:00

admit

I have to admit I want your attention. I admit that I melt. I admit that you inspire me to be a better person. A painting of grace looks a lot like you. Your fluidity in life is fresh air. Cool air and a full moon scream your name. Your eyes squint as you look over the ocean. You are gentle and you know how to touch me. I forgo the sweater for thoughts of you. My mom, she loves you. I love your clumsiness. I admit that I like seeing you cry, fore it shows all of your indelible qualities that I find irresistible.

I have to admit that you scare me. I must admit that I think you will slow me down. I hate to admit that in some way, some shape, and in some form I view a relationship with you as a cop out. I hate the fact that I will fail you many times over. I encourage you to find your strength else where, this leaves me insecure. I hate that I settle for condolences before you. I contrive reasons to avoid you. I admit that I am short sighted in my view of pleasure and this directly affects our pleasure together.

to add:What sitting in front of the ocean and 6 shots of espresso leaves you writing.

4 or so hours after I blogged this:He made it apparent why he made my thoughts go this way today.

2006-03-01T23:48:00.000-05:00

oc
well times are crazy.
I leave tomorrow for Cali and then to NM to see my friends (trav, ash, and matt) and to do some work.
Times should be fun, yet I am not sure how much gas I have left in the tank.

Imagine you are doing pushups and you go till your muscles fail. You arms are shaking and your shoulders aching....well this is where He wants us. Unable to do another you rely on Him for the wind. Well thats where I am at....must say I don't enjoy it too much. It's like the straws keep falling on the camel. I see him slouching more and more but his back is still in tact.

Some pics coming from one of my fav coffee spots on earth, the deidrich's in Laguna baby!

2006-02-24T15:38:00.000-05:00

Zack Morris

I think I want to be him.
I spent endless hours of my life being influenced by his ways while I skipped school or played sick. He still tickles my alter ego.

He always pulled things off when it looked like there was no way. Doom would be apparent but it never could catch up. He could score with his boss's daughter, could talk his way out of Mr Belding's next punishment, and could even call "time out" and the world would stop for his narration.

Much sadness is based on unmet unreality.

practice his ways

world news:
i am on the job market

2006-02-21T15:35:00.000-05:00

your mom and I

were talking and we think you should relax this week. even have a beer with your grilled chicken salad perhaps. we talked about you needing to do something abnormal for you this week.

ie:
-Speed walk for a whole day in your work place.(speed walking is when you walk really really fast but both feet never leave the ground at the same time)
-go out really late at night on a weeknight to a place you have never been before. go alone even
-burn all your country western music becuase it makes people dumb
-talk to total strangers about the upcoming elections in your local community
-walk around with your ipod but dont turn it on...just listen to people.

music.better.music.
portishead
Ravi Shankar

random learns
-that most white breads metabolize like cake and ice cream.
-that i lack in wisdom now needed in my life
-studies show that fresh prince of bel air continues to be the most influental show ever!
-that girls are more delicate than i ever thought

2006-02-15T08:17:00.000-05:00

Excuse me Islam

Christianity: "excuse me Mr. Islam"
Islam: faced towards the stage, called the world, and his back towards Christianity he turns. "yes, what do you want"
Christianity:"welcome"
Islam:"welcome what?"

Christianity:"welcome to public criticism and the like"
Islam: "I'll show them"

Christianity: "I am afraid you already have"

These extreme Islamic followers remind me of the "church" back in the day. When it would take extreme action in hopes to defile the nay sayer.
If it be the case, we will see it's decline in years to come bc it will be shown as a religion full of hypocrites much like the "church" has. (is still)

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
-cs lewis

2006-02-14T07:42:00.000-05:00

valentines day post

I am cracking up right now.
(prob not when you are reading this, but when I posted it I was)

I have no hope. lol
look at every slide here, its the best cities for dating.

2006-02-10T14:03:00.000-05:00

"i am capable of anything"

is just as much a proclamation of freedom as it is a proclomation to slavery.

2006-02-09T15:15:00.000-05:00

i love coffee

2006-02-08T12:10:00.000-05:00

marginal

here's real world for ya, you ready?
This applies to life, logic, and marketing.

Customer orders a $5 piece of equipment, they need it the next day. We shipped it wrong, standard ground.
Customer really needs it the next day now - so we ship it again, overnight but we send it to the wrong place. WE made the mistake.
The resolution is simple: hire a courier for $100 and it would be done with.

Sales guy says no: "they only ordered $100 from us last year total, so oh well we loose their business."

Why it's a bad decision:

Obvious points:
1) its only $100
2) its easy
3) pissed customers always come back to haunt you

Not so obvious points.
1) You (the sales guy) are a black man who has been marginalized in this country for a number of years. You are over worked and under paid and I constantly hear stories of people treating you wrong. So what do you do? You enact the same prejudices against others that you have suffered from. You are margninalizing principles based on the bottom line. Logically its the exact same, ethics scream that its the same thing - convenience and pride whisper the opposite.

We like whispers.

advancing your exploration in music: matisyahu

2006-02-04T23:45:00.000-05:00

"A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices."

2006-02-03T07:37:00.000-05:00

"ok, ok, i'm american"

i have a confession: for me to denounce where I am from somehow makes me feel cooler. to take jabs at american ideology is one of many ways I comfort my self with thinking my self altruistic and glorious.

i have spread the notion of how dumb america is for so long its sickening. I haven't necessarily changed my view but only added some more people to the list.

so heres the list:
ALL PEOPLE

have you looked at the news? all peoples all over the world are making dumb decisions. Yes Roy, even Roy, is making multiple a day. so i too am on the list and don't exclude anyone.

Corruption scandals in Japan. Spain wanting two separate policies, Google giving into china for profits, Yao Ming starting center for the western conference, the list goes on.
So what does denouncing a certain place do? Tells of how little you know about the world and its happenings.

Some heavy and obnoxious conclusions are;
1) If you are embarrassed of being American don't be. Be embarrassed that you feel so strongly American it embarrasses you.
2) Read the news, listen, or something.
3) don't read too much of the news, or listen, or something.

I even think this mindset frees you to enjoy all places, all people, and be content everywhere. Knowing that you alone are not stuggling but all peoples everywhere are all suffering. Countries, communities, and governments are all broken - so what now? Write a disclaimer about your involvement and somehow preaching your psuedo standards.

think not.
think.

advancing your taste in music: Chris O'Riley is the bomb especially if you like radiohead.
cool quote: Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.

2006-02-02T08:44:00.000-05:00

open doors

some of you have heard my ravings about "open door" theology, or semantics, used countlessly and religously amongst the religious circles.
well stop it.
why - because I said so.
Only joking but think about why you use it.
And if you come by a good reason let me know bc I have yet to think of one.
ie. "God opened a door for me to do ________" or "God closed that door and instead he opened another."

A few thoughts real quick:
1) It breeds laziness and seems like logically it will lead way to a hyper point of view of some sorts. It seems that religious people are the laziest yet still dont have peace. (harsh words yes)
2) I realize it may be more of a semantics battle, but with that said it lends itself to so many areas and of one of them is a consumerism of sorts.
3) This isnt that big of a deal, it just bugs me.
4) The comments are always said after the fact and always come to the same conclusion, that God indeed always opens a door.
Meaning if God always has open doors wouldn't that mean he never really shuts a door. Meaning there is really no door at all just a vast field to play in.
5) If there are indeed doors I vote that there are only two. One that leads to the narrow path and one that leads to the wide path.
6) where on earth is "open door" type of stuff played out in the bible. let me know.

side note: i cussed at someone driving to work.
and I can actually get home before 10pm tonight. What will I do with myself?

2006-01-28T19:48:00.000-05:00

negative love

I hate sin more than I love God.
This equation does not work in the economy of sanctification.

So long as I hate, I will do what I hate.
So long as I love, I will lean on what, who, I love.

HATE = negative love, a stretch perhaps, but like love, it is passionately pursued and it screams the loudest in the quite.

climate
when closing my eyes i sense quite yet when I open them the world seems far different.

2006-01-25T11:46:00.000-05:00

fan o' random

i am all about random. its fun. and random.

everyday my job is this. i mean everyday.
have you seen the office? if so we are about half way there.
what to do?

not sure.
have fun. yep.
get frustrated. for sure.
plug away. always.

in the news: did you hear that china discovered america first? so much for "facts."

2006-01-24T12:18:00.000-05:00

http://ask.yahoo.com/20060124.html

words to live by. a post coming soon.

2006-01-16T07:31:00.000-05:00

sensing adventure

and no this has nothing to do with wild at heart.

What lurks around the next corner is uknown at this time, call it an adventure or call it a monster is up to who's story it is. I choose to call it an adventure, though I can be found guilty for calling it a monster in the past.

Monster's cause you to run. Adventures call you to dig in and press on. Thanks to the community and the cloud that is around me I am able to dig in.

The ticker (a word i use for a gauge of sorts) is what my pillow says to me at night. My pillow has been louder as of late. I even go to sleep so I dont have to listen to it at times, but I know that true rest does not come if I am not comfortable with what I am resting on.

So today all I can ask for is some progress down this trail. Last night the trail led me to a waterfall with a friend Robby. The night was perfect (sorda funny but Robby and I have been in the most romantic of settings lately - Rome, Paris, Cinque Terre, and now Amicalola Falls). I must also know that progress is not subjective via temporal temprament - but lasting and celestial.

2006-01-13T09:09:00.000-05:00

me sing so softly

I received a few laughs on the way to work today. I revisited an old favorite of mine named Dashboard Confessional.

- Talk about girl angst! -

And so I just sang to my hearts content, which is more like yelling if you have heard them, gripping the stearing wheel and letting it go. It's easy to sing along to and full of melodic one liners that every guy hates that he can resonate with.

So i am feeling pretty peachy right now I might say. I continue to be amazed at how music can reach into the soul,or emotions, (def think there is a distinction, this morning was more emotions) and just yank out some stuff.

The lesson is - if you sing in your car in the morning you will make people laugh which makes them happier so they will have a better day at work. i am truly a servent.

2006-01-12T08:23:00.000-05:00

starbucks beyond reason

"The essential difference between emotion and reason is that emotion leads to action while reason leads to conclusions."
-Donald Calne

Case and Point: On my way to the office this morning, a last second decision was made not to turn towards the office but to head to the 'Bucks. So when I pull up there are about 33 other professionals waiting in line - common sense and reason demands: wait till you get to the office and drink the military coffee made by at the veterans. (x-army guys make the coffee here - survey says: no bueno)

But emotion got the best of me. My Venti iced americano with no water and add one sweet and low now comfortably rests besides me. yum.

This is by no means the sum of all decisions just a subtraction from some.

2006-01-11T10:05:00.000-05:00

no shovels, wait, no dirt?

first off props to Travis who is right now jumping out of an airplane over a desert in Arizona. I believe he will jump 3-5 times today - so holla to dad for calm nerves and safe keeping.

Tom Smykowski:" It's a "Jump to Conclusions mat". You see, you have this mat, with different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO. "

I am in this delirious confusion state right now. I am sure people close to me can tell, but I am boggled about lots. I am jumping to no conclusions. Not so much a self identity deal, good ol' reformed theology has taken grip in that area quite well - but how bout in the application of that same logic? Not so much. (a short list of conflicts are: work, after work, girls - "who needs em" or "wow!", aspirations(what are logical, measurable, emotional, right, and good), etc.)

So there is this intrinsic, wholistic mouse who lives inside of me who does yoga and crawls around and upsets the rest of my "take it or leave it, work hard or go home, put the feelings away and take their shirt" mentatlity. which is a good thing, dont get me wrong, but leads to the given state of mind.

So this is where I am at. Thought I would share. If you see me in the local bakery you can only ask me questions about the weather, tom cruise, and the new year. Shovels in conversation are not in demand given my current state.

2006-01-09T08:05:00.000-05:00

much to do

in reality there isn't all that much to do. we tend to get swamped by the day's happenings, then we tend to lose our where-a-bouts soon afterwards. not knowing where you are at makes it hard to get to where you want to be. this is not some boot strap gospel either, go to lakewood or view your local tbn schedule for that one.

i tend to look at days like a to to do list, both spiritual and professional. and though I preach life wholistic I still struggle to make the merge. we think this infamous "x" (as discussed below) will somehow create this perfect smoothie of work, life, and play. having just the right texture and the right nutritional content. but it is not the case. so what is the case?

?

perhaps when attempting to explain our vision in life we need to first explain life.

2006-01-02T20:16:00.000-05:00

X

Whatever you think "X" will bring you, whether it be happiness, hope, or joy - you are more often than not bowing to a false god. Strong words - but for me it seems to be the case, so thus its true for all (only joking).

"Grass is greener on the other side" theology is common in our minds, churches, and checkbooks. I catch myself saying "If only I had X" or "if only X liked me" I would be somehow better off. If this is how I choose to live my life then I will sufffer a derivitve of the proposed equation - the loss of happiness, hope, or joy.

side note
since my return I have not been right. My body is completely whack - I will spare the details but they are broad and unconclusive. I go to the doctor soon to see if there is anything I can be doing. For what its worth.......

2005-12-26T20:43:00.000-05:00

some other cloud

its not cloud nine, but it is a cloud. Everything seems surreal at the moment. I have spent very little time in scripture since returning from Asia - but everything seems spiritual. Overtones are everywhere. Symbolism in everything, tears waiting behind paper thin curtains, I tread lightly as I interact with forgotten faces and fresh memories.

I have little grasp on assumed reality; the reality of a 9-5, outside commitments, gym visits, and a steady diet are not the case in the current. But it is this negligence that has allowed me to see things that I have since forgotten real.

a better story
There is a better story than my story. One with a more grandeur resolution, having more than my picture perfect ending in mind. One where my part is not completely known, where I am at the whim of the main character. Where profit is put in hindsight and tales of my lover are really symbols of Him.

not another new year
the gym is about to be packed with new year's resolution misfits. The time of the year where I dread gym visits because of the new population that I was unaware of being health conscious in the first place. But get this - I am a misfit this year. I have back slide in all areas of health. In my diet, exercise, and meditation. I have done little to care for my body as of late and its catching up to me. I have been sick for I don't know how many days, tired beyond compare, and "not the sharpest tool in the shed" has never been truer.

2005-12-18T22:17:00.000-05:00

blog withdrawels

well not so much, but somewhat.
china sorda has blogs on the lock down.

oh and about the picure thing - hate to tell ya but I think only took about 5 pictures total the whole trip and it had to do with the great wall and the bund in shanghai. I was just pictured out and the people I was with were taking plenty so i will rely on them for those.

Experiences a' plenty. As in the throw up of thought - well not sure what good it will do. Its like chocolate ice cream, you just have to try it.

Already having some sense of culture shock. In the past two months many times I sat at a coffee shop, or what have you, and could not understand a thing that was going on around me. Now I can and its freakin me out.

2005-12-06T09:47:00.000-05:00

humbled by His work

in Singapore right now. Which I might add feels like Houston in the summer which might I add sucks. But the city/country/place is great. sorda feels like a mix between NY City and Atlanta as far as the happenings and all that is available.

The people I have met thus far have made me shut up. No they did not tell me to but I have had trouble speaking - I am humbled by His workings through these people. This morning I had breakfast on the 52nd floor of one of the tallest buildings in Singapore in a 5 star restaurant with the man who helped design the building. I say that to say that when thinking of the christian movement in Asia and abroad I think of a bunch of vocational missionaries running around in secret preaching the gospel in basements. And while that is not all together bad that is all together not the whole of it in the slightest. The people we are meeting with buy property, build hotels, run manufacturing companies, have dinner with the prime minister - they employ the very people they hope to bring to Christ. They call these companies Kingdom Companies. The are very much for profit and they are very much for Christ crucified and His coming glory revealed to all the nations.
my work
i was afforded the opp to come due to work - we have reps in this region of the world that I have yet to meet nor as anyone from my company visited them in the last few years. It also happens that some of these kingdom companies are involved in my industry - so needless to say it is a great combo and a blessing that has allowed me to come. I am very grateful for all these things.
2 posts ago
I got a few emails about the issue of prayer. And while I did not intend for that nugget to be extracted per say I can't dismiss thats what was taken out of it. While it was in hopes that we would actually think about what we say and if what we so believe is cliche, then cliche it is, and we will move on trusting our own heart and motives in the action at hand.
I agree we should pray and I agree that we should pray for safety. But is there a line? Is there a trust issue in there? Not implying fatalism or that God knows everything so therefore we dont really need to pray - I am not leaning towards a hyper view whats so ever (at least I dont mean to). We are promised persecution. Ok. We are promised hard times, despair, all of these things - and while we groan, what are we promised to be our deliverance? Eternity - being with Him. We never get a sense that it is His will to sustain our bodies here on earth, although He does according to the counsel of His will, whereby he hath foredained, for His own glory, whatsoever comes to pass. - which sometimes means sustained for the present. I am looking forward to learning more about Eastern prayer- what do they pray for? No doubt it will be interesting and hope to learn and be inspired. I also say some of this with a sense of rebellion, which I am learning I have a lot of - which is in many ways unfounded and cliche in the worst way - so I am learning and patience and press back would be well received.

2005-12-03T18:55:00.000-05:00

off again

I leave tom morning and am gone for two weeks. Will be in Asia doing various things which all look to be exciting. Meeting all of my company's reps there as well as meeting with people from church that are in a relevant market (tech). Pray for me if you think of me. Some specifics are for my rest in Him. Both physically and spiritually, I am sorda worn out. Guide my mind and I hope to be still amongst all the moving around. Holla at me if you can, would love to get an email from ya.
roykeely@gmail.com

2005-12-01T17:58:00.000-05:00

"Take care" she said

At the doctors office amongst thousands of women (only 10 or so but seemed like more and it was the dermo not the OBGYN) one lady was saying her "good byes" and she kept saying take care to everyone.

I thought about this some and how I often say the same words - but I have no clue what it means. Does it imply to take your vitamins, to look both ways before crossing the street, take care of that thing a magig, etc, etc......boil it down and what does it mean?

Bringing consciousness to conversation is no minor task. It seems as if we are hard wired to go through the motions. From praying for health and safe travels (which I have heard tons of lately) to saying take care at the end of long over due conversations and emails. Is it all just autonomic and a cultural comfort?

Not having the answer per say I just know I cringe when I say these things, its as if I am not comfortable with my self to say "well actually I am not going to pray for their safe travels - but for God's will to be done, bc their safety is not actually the most important thing here, and actually its promised that we may indeed die." And the phrase good luck, what the _____ - its the most contradictory statement that one with my world view can say but yet I continue to cop out when wishing (yet another) someone well in regards to a job interview.

but what do I say?
I know its not something canned. I don't want to be that person who quotes scripture when comforting one after their cat "snowball" just died either though. This is just an inquiry into consciousness within the frame work of conversation and social interaction.

Its why you forget the person's name as soon as its rolls of their tongue bc you think you have something in your nose or that you have that same shirt in your closet. Why you always forget what that person does? Why you are known for the same lingo and/or always say the same things in conversations?

Social interaction is something we have all been accustomed to since an early age, some more than others, but its as if we have gotten better at it so we can in essence put forth the least amount of effort as possible in it. Its the most charismatic people (with other people that is) that often have the hardest time caring for people they talk to. (this is a total hip shot, but from the people I know it seems to be the case) Conversation just comes natural to them, they dont have to think hard about what they are doing, they just do it.

And people are tiring, that is an understatment - but can you think of an other thing more worthy to get tired over?

2005-11-28T08:38:00.000-05:00

It's sorda crazy

who I am. A seemingly well put together individual who always has his public face on - "raring to go" is who people think I am, its even what I think I am.
a farse. of sorts.
it's until......you can't do something. You can't make it better. You are nothing in the equation and guess what? You never will be. This realization is a painful release. Though needed.

To not be successful in my eyes is not acceptable. Point blank, point made. Its not. No pressure from family, none from work, none from society (so I feel anyways - another rabbit to be chased). All self induced all of the time. I can't even deem what is successful outside of the "church words" dictionary. What is success for Roy? sure I know the lexicon and can pass any test you give me, but at what temprature does that boil down? Where is it practical and what does the day to day look like? All the loftiness is only lonliness until the day its realized, and realized seems so unreal. I strive for vapors at the moment. What are you striving towards? Chances are some of them may also be your strifes.

my trip
its my last day. i am in a paris cafe in a 2nd story window over looking a great area of town as I sip illy espresso(www.thebomb.com).
Trying to catch up on emails, both work and personal (thanks to many for your kind words and encouragement, along with Robby coming to hang - your words have traveled far in my heart). I am tired in many ways. Ready for home all though I know I will be leaving 5 days later for another 18 days or so. Its hard but great. I am afforded this and its all a blessing. Learning so much for work has been fun, although daunting. Learning the marketplace first hand has led me to believe that some major changes need to happen in my company. What changes? no clue. So I attempt now to weed and sift through the pages of notes and come away grasping.

you
how are you? how are you right now? how were you yesterday? chances are if you are reading this you are near and dear to me in one way or another and I want to know. I feel out of touch with the people I love and the people I am learning to love. I have prayed for you. To know how to love you? To bring a sense of altruism to our relationship and know you for you. To treat you as you are and that is lovely. You are lovely. and I enjoy you might I add.

what I would be thinking
"he doesnt even know me? how can he say that." or "I havent talked to him in a year" even "Your an idiot"
......
perhaps. and perhaps being away has made me more sentimental. i have stepped back from the forest and can see the trees (or fill in some other vision clarity analogy if you may).

fill in the blank -
KK is to roy, as ______ is to nutella?

thanksgiving
was spent in interlaken switzerland at a mcdonalds expesnive might I add. the next day it snowed about 6 inches in the mountains and we hiked through it. the blog title for that day that I will not post was titled "be jealous"

switzerland is the most expensive place i have ever been and it was worth every dime.
sunset in cinque terre

robby makin a wish, i think i know what it was
we found a winery on our hike, and a new friend samantha. cheers
Vernazza, one of the villages along the coast

2005-11-26T10:39:00.000-05:00

sorry dont really have time to post. too much work to be done. too much fun to be had. europe and wireless are not friends yet, so i am having a hard time updating. much love and more to come.

2005-11-16T14:45:00.000-05:00

dummy head

No surprise to many, I use my head more than my heart. And guess what my head is tired, now what? I left my heart for dead, rarely feeding it and allowing it to starve most days. Sure I read scripture( reading more and more these days thanks to the slave driver Schliciting - i am trying to see if he reads this thing) but rarely do I bathe in it. Let it wash over me, reducing it none - just letting it be. I always have to take it "deeper" and I use quotations in the loudest sense. Perhaps the deepest thing is stillness. Meditation of sorts. Simple-ton if you will.

I have said for years that if I am going to be a teacher my first test will be silence. The class will sit there the whole hour, in silence. No sleeping, no talking, no nothing. No pens, no head phones - all silence. You talk, go to sleep, laugh - you fail.

But I think I would fail this test myself right now. My mind is not steady. It is tired. I have not taken a spiritual bath for a long while. Yesterday I dipped my feet into the water and it was sweet, allowing tears to flow freely in the middle of an overpriced cafe. I wrote my nephews and thought about my sister. I read the psalms and looked at the trees. I prayed for the waitress and her son who she had pictured on her cashiers wallet. I listened. I swallowed, took a deep breath, and left my grave cloths there.

2 nights ago
We met up with a couple of guys we met the other day at the castle and decided to grab dinner and a beer. Well we met some local theology students working on their masters and a great time ensued. The night ended at the guy's hostel playing pool and hanging out. All of a sudden the conversation goes there - God. What ensued was amazing. Two christians, a smart psychologist who is searching, and about the nicest guy you can meet who is a Buddhist from Thailand. (sharp too)

We talked for a couple of hours about some deep things. From logic to the issues concerning the heart of Christ. Some major pondering was done. I have read stories of JR Tolkien and Lewis having a beer and talking about things - I wanted to model them in this way and I have to say it was quite fun. Gotta love it.

Tom and Terry were great travelers, taking the world in and examining their hearts and minds in the process. One thing you will find is that this is the common mindset of many who travel on a whim. Looking to not only examine places, structures, and happenings - but people and mindsets.

right now
I sit at a coffee shop awaiting my train to Rome. Its a night train that cost a whole 4 euro due to already having a rail pass. there I will sleep off and on, read as much as I can and prob listen to Radiohead or Coldplay as I am whisked through the alps into the heart of Italia. This, I hope, will be a time of refuge for me. The coffee shop I am at sits across from a Starbucks, proudly I have not entered it since being in Munchen. The coffee house is San Francisco Cofffee Company, a great place with no tie to the Bay Area except for its styling and menu items. Its a great place and has been the source of all my wifi and caffeine during my time in Munchen. Thanks SFCC. http://www.sfcc.de/index.php
Hope to be back one day. And after looking at the website I see that there is a location on the Lake in the south part of Munich - um, I think I am going to go. Oh yeah - and it snowed last night and this morning, leaving an inch or so on the ground and on the roof tops. Cool stuff.

pics
Below are pictures of munchen and pictures that KK will hate (don't show Mary Lou). And BTW its not all beer its just that its rainy and the sights hard to come by with work and all. But I have had more beer this week than I ever have, which isnt saying much. Every Brau Haus as their own and you have to try it. One time I turned it down and I got a look from . . . well you know where.

For those of you who dont know who KK is, that is my lovely mom - who is pretty tight and who will leave a comment on the blog. Give me a Yay-yay.

And sorry I dont have time to figure out how to make them look pretty.

"ROASTING IT"

a typical bulvarian meal -does a body good

the oldest bau haus in town

business meeting with my co worker philip

all the random people we met that night

The most famous Brau Haus - Hofbrau

2005-11-15T03:47:00.000-05:00

luke at me

IF anyone can tell me where that title comes from I will give them something cool? Any takers?

On the road and it seems endless. I hit a trade show today where I will have to gland hand the industry peoples as they look down at me because of my age. Used to it by now and its not a huge bother, although it feels a little like gym class in the 9th grade. Over 50,000 people at this thing, its like 8 trade shows in one. Only B2B.

What I am sturggling with is huge, a foundational piece rather - my identity. Loud yet quite happenings. You see I could act norm-A-l and pawn it off as travel and go about my day. But that is not the case and it just so happens to hit while I am here and not home - it does not pertain to your location but your honesty. Honesty with others and honesty to self.

And it has to do with conversion and I am not talking about way back when.

I think it was Dallas Willard in the divine conspiracy that spoke about hourly conversions and if it wasn't him it was somebody equally as cool. Anyway. The subject goes as follows. For the person to become a Christian they must make a decision that is a conversion in their identity, a conversion in their world, a declaring of it not theirs. And this is looked at as life's largest decision, and it should be. However, what is downplayed is that this same decision is what the Christian must make every day, every hour. You see it takes the same mindset as it did the first time - and guess what, with that comes huge quakes of the soul, as the flesh attempts to thwart anything of the sort. This is my struggle. This is my request. This is my prayer for you. Psalm 23 has been where I have spent most of my time (and on Leviticus, thanks to D|Group which i freakin miss) More to come on this one.....

As stated below I got to see the castle that Disney models and that is pretty much world famous, hilarious that I had no clue and was in the dark until this trip came up. (I think American and Texas history were the only history classes I took in college and it JH) :(
Going to the oldest brew house in Munchen tonight, not sure what its called and we are going there with a couple of guys we met on the train out to the castle, pretty cool guys that are over here on a whim.

So all be well and once again comment if you love me. If KK can do it so can you. Thanks mom. Love you.

2005-11-14T15:21:00.000-05:00

muenchen

In Muenchen right now, I dont know why we Americans call it Munich - hmmm, I could go on a rant but I won't.

Having a grandious time. Went to the Hofbrauhaus yesterday and had a really good beer (pics to come) and went to Neuschwanstein Castle today - just a 2 hr train trip away. Oh and KK, I bought u some chocolate. So never fear.
http://www.neuschwanstein.de/english/

Really behind on the work front so I will be back for more info and pics tomorrow.

And if you love me you will leave a comment. Try it KK.

2005-11-09T13:25:00.000-05:00

mucho gusto

where:Madrid
How dumb am I: I forgot my camera the only day i had to walk around, stupido!

I finally found a place for wifi where I would not have to pay for it. Work would pay for it but I am still in college student mode and still eat bread and try to get everything free. Its fun although a bit of a stresser. I will be that old guy that gives out shiny nickels.

I know nothing about Madrid, I mean nothing. So I just look at a map and see big things on it and go that way. Its an easy city to get around and its clean for the most part (or atleast the areas I have gone). Great transportation and I wish I didn't have a car and I mean that. Life would be easier and the word diet would rarely be used.

I ended up at a cathedral of course. And it was asi asi - after seeing some others I was more in the moment than I was amazed by the structure. People were viewing something that I had no clue what it was, something about Mary I think - i just kept to my business on the pew and meditated for a bit. Gal 2:20 is what I screamed in the middle of the cathedral and everyone started looking at me. They started screaming at me.

Ok I am joking, but I did scream it on the inside. Over and over. Constantly I am having to fight here. For purity, for breath, for making a good impression - its just a lot to handle. And I can't handle it I have determined. It is a weight that I am not meant to bear and I have been carrying it and I don't want to anymore. The analogy rings even more true to me right now due to having to lug around luggage on and off trains and metros and around city streets - its just more fun when you travel light. Life is simpler. Thanks for listening. Love you.

Last night on the train I was once again confronted with the issue of race and it has come up in a few other areas so I decided to write about it - but thinking I may save it so I can truly expound on it at a later date.
news: my friend robby is coming to join me on the last 8 days of the trip. smile.

2005-11-08T12:53:00.000-05:00

Today at a business lunch i saw a young women crying, I am guessing it was due to a hard conversation she was having with her signifcant other sitting across from her. I had a hard time paying attention to business happenings because I was beginning to get emotional. A couple of times I had to wipe my eyes, which I have been doing a lot of, something about Portugal has been making me sneeze.

The sight of a women crying always breaks me down, not sure why, but it has always been so. If you know me I am little on the over protective side when it comes to girls that I am close to and esp my mother. I remember always wanting to sit in the front seat with her when I was little bc if we got into a car crash I wanted to be with her, and if she died I wanted to die too. (KK not even sure if you know that one, but I think you do).

Red eyed and unable to make eye contact with her loved one, I am there and I am envious of her. Call me selfish but somehow her crying touched me in a much needed way. Other people pray more for my wife than I do is the first thing that came to mind. Other people want to talk about it more than I do. Every inkling I have to let someone in ussually shuts down quickly or gets shut down for me, the latter ussualy has ramifications long into the future. I dont think someone could make me cry like that right now, not in a while and I have no reason to forsee it happening anytime soon.

In my travels I connected with two girls from Sweeden (mentioned in a blog below) while in London and this subject came up. I think we all sorda felt proud that we were single, especially me. But then in the conversation i think the light was shed that it could be in part because of selfishness. In the past I have had a hard time associating with my peers due to the subject always coming up. It seems that everyone in this "age and stage" is consumed with singleness and perhaps they are in the wrong for their views of it, but I know I was wrong in mine because I was not confident enough in any one position to know my thoughts, conclusions, or prayers. This is a shame and full of wasted efforts and rhetoric. Sure I cant stand people who get their identity from others, but isn't that what identity is? How are you to know your name is John until someone calls you that? It takes others before the notion of seperate arises. They are one in the other, chicken and the egg.

Once again I want to use the word balance but the b in balance stands for bull sh$% I do believe. Can it exist, is there any need for it to? I don't think I know anyone that is balanced yet everyone i know speaks about it being some goal they have, both professionally and personally. this is now addressing a seperate issue but compartmentalization is an ill I believe to all peoples every where. There is no such thing as seperation, we are intrinic peoples who take in everything. If you supress things and call it comparmenalization they have a word for you and its postal. Perhaps because thats how you will lash out or perhaps its because you are not truly grounded but in transit - like the waves that shift with the wind. Plus there are logical ramifications everyhwere, contstantly sawing of fthe limb you stand on.

Ok done with the ramble. I have thrown in a pic for kicks. Perhaps some conclusions will come in this area but chances are you will get a wedding invitation before you read about it here.

a girl cried

2005-11-07T17:42:00.000-05:00

pretty fat

where:Lisboa, Portugal

Today was a complete day of meetings and relationship building. The people here have received me well and allowed me no worries in my day. From allowing me to taste the local life to putting me up at one of the nicest hotels in town (hence the title of this journal entry). Its all well and I am rested. Here is a look at my set up right now. Eating a Portuguese sandwich with my cafe' and wifi.

For the lunch meeting they took me to a traditional restaurant which was owned by the sales rep's wife. It started with 6 appetizer, then a bottle of vino, a whole bottle. Then the main course of sea bass and potatoes. Followed by 3 plates of desserts then a cup of express.

After meetings were over they took me to what they call of the Beverly Hills of Portugal and to a town called Sentra. Sentra is one of the most scenic places I have ever been and yet I took very few pictures, I just shook my head at how cool it all was. Here is a typical street scene. Its filled with palaces, and its those kind you dream about or see in crazy movies about crazy rich people. Very cool and the ambiance is killer. Def a place for me and the wifey one day. People drinking port wine everywhere.

Here is the coastal scene - the waves were prob in the 15ft range and this is normal for this part of the coast.

BTW - I havent watched the news in what seems like months. I did today and the news will stress a brotha out. Its like the world is ending or something. I wonder if being naive and focused is better than being in the know and distracted? Thats sorda how I feel after watching things about the riots, flu, amongst others.

glasses of wine:7
cups of cafe':>too many to count
glasses of water: not enough.

2005-11-06T08:59:00.000-05:00

so here goes

The last 30 or so hours is hard to describe.
I am headed from Paris to Lisbon (lisboa) and I see my cabin, its great - 1st class all the way. Lounge seating, a table to myself...all the works. So I am pleasantly pleased and enjoying my train ride. That section was about 6 hours - I am to jump off that train and get on one for Lisboa, Portugal. So I did and what came next was something only to be described as hell-a-rious. Emphasize the hell during the present, and the a-rious now that I look at it in hindsight.

They point to the one that I am to go to and i respond accordingly - "surely this cant be it, I have a first class Eurail ticket in all 17 countries - how can this be?" Well it be. And guess what - you are going to sit straight up with 8 people in a 6x6 compartment with all your luggage. So that is what I did. So I the american am with one girl and 6 other men. The girl (Erika) is from Brazil but is Japanese. One guy is a small town frenchman. Another a student from Lisboa. Another an old guy from Portugal. Another an african guy from portugal. And a couple of young spaniard guys. Wrestling to go to sleep for 16 hours is what it was like. Towards the end of the trip a local told me this is the worst train he has ever been on, that is was more than 50 years old, and used to transport immigrants. All in all it was a great experience. I got to sleep a good solid hour towards the end so now I am a little refreshed and able to go back to work some.

happenings The reps met me at the station and we went to breakfast. The city is dead on sunday because it is family day, so everything was easily accessible so that is nice. Rapport was great and we saved all work talk till mon and tuesday meetings, which I am looking forward to. Spain and Portugal do sales like America did 10-30 years ago, personal selling. Its still big in large ticket items in the states but for anything under 50k rarely do you get hand holding - here its hand holding if you spend 1k. I sorda like it. The hotel they got me is one of the nicest I have ever been in and it is relatively cheap. So I am thinking less and less about my train ride.

reading: I chose to read the City of God during this trip and it is becoming more and more amazing as I make my way through. It was written about the fall of Rome and how the christians were being blamed for the matter. Augustine addresses this notion and dismisses it using logic and the spirit. He loves Plato and mentions his reasoning subtley throughout the text - so that tickles my fancy mucho. I think all Americans should read this book, it resonates with how we think ourselves so great.
here is a quote.
"Depraved by prosperity and unchastened by adversity, you desire in your security, not the peace of the state but liberty for license" Think about American's mentality when it comes to more and more jobs moving overseas. We think we own the world market or something - we are threatened by this. Not because it is personal but because it means we will not always be allowed the luxuries we now have - - -unless it is you who is the top 10 percent making the decisions to go overseas. People who complain are the 90 the other 10 are enjoying the whole affair.

2005-11-05T06:05:00.000-05:00

fun stuff

Where: Paris

What: Well yesterday was better than expected, and that's saying a lot. i decided (as my friend Abbie suggested) just to try to walk everywhere - so instead of taking the metro (subway) I just walked. The day started off dreary and cleared up around 4pm. Went to a few of the tourist spots and went to the Louvre (mona lisa smiles!). Ended up at Starbucks - yes starbucks. I broke down because I needed a lot of coffee for the money and its the cheapest place over here for coffee that I can find. So I am sitting there reading and taking up a table for three (still small) and have two open chairs. I offer them to a mom and her young son, they were nice and enjoyed figuring out I was american. About 10 minutes later, once again two people were needing seats and so I obliged. This time however it was two young girls about my age. I was reading my bible along with another book listening to classical on my ipod ( I was zoning) and about 30 minutes later they asked if I was a Christian in english. I had heard them speaking in french and figured they were local. But they weren't, they were speaking swedish and not french, and they were both Christians. From there ensued interesting conversation and encouragement. Loved hearing what they were about and the lives they lead. The time was too short and all together we ended up spending 7 hours together. Coffee, the tower thingy(lol), 3 course dinner, and jazz. I was jazzed about the jazz, especially when walking in they were playing a radiohead song. So I have two new friends, Emma and Hanna - very kool peeps that I hope to cross again. We'll see.....
Off to Lisbon in a few hours. Its going to be a 20hr train ride so I plan on reading a bunch and hopefully get some shut eye.
glasses of wine:5 (this is a running total by the way, not by day, so don't worry mom)
how to pray: energy and a sharp mind. self control. passion. he has overwhelmed thus far and pray that he continue to do so
thoughts I am a busy person. How or is it justified that I am that busy? I see the way of life here and it seems to be great, everyone lounging enjoying each other. But is that what life is? Is it something in b\w me and them? Am I called to something different? I think so, but don't want this to be a cop out because I am a busy body

much love

2005-11-03T17:18:00.000-05:00

i be here

So overwhelmed I'm relaxed. So much so its nice.
It has been 40 hrs since my last real sleep (I had a 30 min power nap) and I sit here in a cafe across from my hotel. I am also the only one alone. "Oh no here it comes, some pathetic woe is me stuff" - nope, not yet anyways. Its not meant to be a complaint but an observation of the culture. They don't go at it alone. Everywhere is open till 2am every day of the week, and guess what their full till midnight and guess what its freakin expensive as all get out. I settled with an appetizer and a glass of rouge wine.

travel: Interesting. RER train, the one that takes you from the airport to Paris was on strike today. I guess this is a norm and it sucked. It took me 5 hours to get from the AP to my hotel room. I had to rely on people to get me to my destination, humbling to say the least.

business:Meeting with Claude went well. France was a hot bed for our industry about 5-10 years ago, but it has since dried up. France's hi tech sector is not thriving and shows little promise for sustained profits unless we do something kooky which we may.

Glasses of wine: 3
Times I have felt like an idiot: 10+

2005-10-28T08:32:00.000-04:00

um...

So i am cleaning my office since I am about to not be in it for two months and low and behold I find a treasure. Yes a treasure. A little tray that allows me to put things in my desk all nice and tighty. and on the bottom, taped to the bottom is this prayer. ( I freakin can not believe this)

"Lord Jesus, as I enter this work place, I bring your presence with me. I speak You peace, Your grace, and Your perfect order into the atmosphere of this office. I acknowledge your Lordship over all that will be spoken, thought, decided, and accomplished within these walls. Lord Jesus, I thank You for the gifts You have deposited in me.
I do not take them lightly but commit to using them responsible and well.
Give me a fresh supply of truth and beauty on which to draw as I do my job.
anoint my creativity, my ideas, my energy so that even the smallest task may bring you honor. Lord, when I am confused guide me. When I am weary, energize me. Lord when I am burned out, infuse me with light of our Holy Spirit. May the work that I do and the way I do it, bring hope, life, and courage to all that I come in contact with today. And Oh Lord, even in this day's most stressful moments, may I rest in You.
In the name that is above all names, in the matchless name of my Lord and savior Jesus I pray, Amen"

A-Freakin-mazing that this is in my office. Surely the person who wrote it is no longer here - but they have blessed me beyond measure today. This is one of those instances that seems so much bigger to yourself than it would to others - but if you knew this office and the things that's were happening here you would surely delight with me. I shared it with a co-worker that I have been talking to and he made a copy and put it in his office.

2005-10-28T07:51:00.000-04:00

not really sure

fun weekend ahead.

2005-10-27T07:52:00.000-04:00

ode to freedom

not the american kind. that is only skin deep. i am talking the kind where you are alone at night and can take control of your thoughts. the kind that loves the soul of the other. the kind that supps with people and can truly realize the context and the fruit that abounds. not that american kind. that is only skin deep.

2005-10-25T14:46:00.000-04:00

honesty

is scary. two reasons. one - it doesn't mean truth bc its only your perception of the truth. two - its easy to avoid.

being vulnerable is the name of the game. understanding that your reality is not everyone's. TPV, teachable point of view, is key in attempting to understand the other. Marriage demands this from both parties involved, and yet it is skirted. I am not married but I can only imagine the person you are closest to is also the person that can hurt you the most. that is reality. they are the largest stakeholder in your life and their affirmation or equity is liquid and they can cash or cop out whenever they like.

i was just honest with someone. it was uncomfortable but I could not resist. admitting my inadequacy, i quickly sipped more coffee, to hide my eyes or to give my mouth something else to do besides talk - I'm not sure. i realize in being honest with another I first must be honest with myself. i must come to terms with my conclusions, work through an idea of how to communicate such notions of the soul, and then press forward, in love, for the other and self to actually muster the voice.
voice - like the word love, is as understood as much as it masked. the true meaning and intent behind the action can be vague and even aimless at times. voice is as much about listening as it is talking. as it is being silent. as it is realizing self. to speak, to have voice, you must have your bearing - you must know at what angle you speak from - what weight your words carry to that particular individual.
what does your voice sound like? what are the attempts you have made this month? what does your pillow say at night?

2005-10-24T17:56:00.000-04:00

ancillary

so I try to stay on topic but often I wonder off. This is an annoyance in every regard. Sure it does pose some creative fruit from time to time, but more often than not the rabbits I chase are dull and frazzled when I eventually do catch them. (one time I chased a pet rabbit around when I was little and it had diarrhea for a few days, it wasn't my pet rabbit)

what does all this look like in lieu of communication - disastrous. If you are meeting for ideation that is one thing - but it is pertinent to stay on topic if meeting to accomplish a specific task or group of tasks. stay focused. I think what I have to say is too important or this random thought that comes to mind is worth saying amongst the group. well its not and I have to deal with it. but i am not that mature yet, so I chime in and distract. this at first became obvious when others would do it and annoy me - then I realized I annoy me bc I do it just as much.

do and less think.
think, shape, calculate before hand - it shows greater respect to those you have dealings with - so much so that they will never know you did it or the time you took to be prepared. love without regard of the audience and their ability to observe.
its a habit to interrupt (great chapter in the divine conspiracy about habits). a habit that must be broken.

2005-10-21T08:30:00.000-04:00

no not me

by the way read the blog below this and respond - interested to see how it might apply to you.
anywho.....

i live in suburbia, but I love the city (atlanta at present). what to do? in the recent years i was the guy who drove in to town everyime I could, give me an excuse - coffee (which was by far the reason of choice, I miss you Brasil), need an errand run, bored - whatever, I always liked to go to the city. Mix and mingle; talk to the 7th grade teacher who rides his bike to school like the kids, talk to the artist who is homeless but always gets a boyfriend so she has a place to stay, the guy behind the counter who is always working and has been there for 15 years and he has 4 kids, etc, etc, the list goes on much to my delight.

but I live in suburbia. how do I wrestle with this. my circle is becoming fellow suburbanites and I dont know what to do with myself at times. I work, go to church, play, drink coffee all in suburbia now. I just dont have time to drive in town - plus it would cost me about $5 a trip due to gas prices (that is not a complaint its about time America gets somewhat a sense of the world)

if you know me you know this causes me some sort of intrinsic frustration - and I am beginning to come to terms with it.Thats where the "no not me"" title comes from.
If I live where I live then that must be the place I spend my time. That must be my circle of influence if I were to have one. I meet many people who are like myself. Young professionals with the same bent towards the city. Many decide to up and move in the city when that is not where they work, lived previuosly, go to church, or where any of the other large time consumers in their lives take place. The word to go with this is contentment (happiness with one's situation in life as definiition:contentment in googles says).
Sure its ok to get a taste of the city, perhaps even weekly, but I can no longer take a mouthful. In due time? We'll see.

2005-10-20T11:00:00.000-04:00

a parallel

So when I was young I probably wasted upwards of $10k on baseball cards - and that is a safe assumption. (and really it was my parent's money) All along I have thought it to be such a waste and "I can't believe I did that" often comes out of my mouth when thinking about it. To this day I still have over 100 MJ cards (I sold about 150 of them for a stereo in HS) along with a series of other "valuable" cards.

I had dinner with a few folks that were asking my history and how I got to be involved in business and where my passion came from. Well I told a little a tid bit about college and how marketing tickled my fancy, blah blah. After thinking more upon that topic something hit me across the face - it was the baseball card craze that I went through that started the whole deal.

When I was 10 I started memorizing the Beckett (the pricing guide) and everyone asked me the prices instead of looking it up themselves. I was used as the arbitrator amongst people doing trades, and depending on who I favored, or shall I say who favored me, always came out on top. At 12 I worked at a card shop for $6 a hour in cards, it was probably illegal - but hey, and was always the "lucky" kid when opening packs. They didn't know that I knew that if the pack was thicker it meant there was an insert card in the pack, or that the back panel was clear and if you held a light to it you could see that last card in the pack, which was often picked as the place to put the best card, and I would only pick packs accordingly. Actually my first run in with the law came in a grocery store. My best friend and I would open a bunch of packs and put all the good cards into one pack then buy that one pack. Now the whole deal became a pretty unethical ordeal - but it all started shaping my business mind. Ethics were learned later and are now being applied to my current ventures. (don't worry KK)

What have you done in your early years and looked back at only to see some fruit there. Was it sports and how that taught you vigor, was it dance and that taught you rhythm which led to music, piano and that taught you well.....How to pimp girls. (man I wish l learned the piano when I was young instead of making fun of little boys with their piano books)

It would be interesting to hear your early passions and hear the current form they take in your life. Same can be said about trials, blessings, and broken dreams - who knew hobbies did so much to rear us.

2005-10-19T05:31:00.000-04:00

waffle house at 4am
You would have thought it was a hair salon there was so much jibber jabber going on.

2005-10-19T03:35:00.000-04:00

fading
cogitation is fading. fading fast.

2005-10-19T01:59:00.000-04:00

not sure
I am at work. Its 2am. I got up at 5:30am - I guess what is now yesterday morning.
I just got done eating a burger I cooked on Sat night.
Diet Coke running through the vains. (with lime of course)
I plan on going to IHOP at 5am.
Me and radiohead right now....I think next will be Coldplay....then perhaps some Thievery Corporation. That should get me to 11am.

2005-10-17T10:31:00.000-04:00

12.5

When I was in junior high I had this crazy idea that if I stretched I would grow taller. So to this day I am pretty flexible, especially for a dude, and I still stretch religiously. so I go to get fitted for some shoes. I have worn a size 11.5-12 for about 4 years. But I am moving up in this world folks - I now where a 12.5 baby. all the stretching worked. I even think I am getting taller. hmmm. a random note that i thought i would share.

2005-10-17T09:11:00.000-04:00

intent

intent is subtle. It escapes most in the form of habit.
Meet, greet, shake hands, move on.
Meet, greet, shake hands, move on.

Look softly, yet deeply into their eyes. Pray for them quitely as you speak to them. Know that they will not know and this is good.

Looking upon others with intent to love blesses you. It brings mission to your day. All of a sudden you long to wake just so you can gaze at them and not have your mind made up before doing so. Its a superflous act, one that is dynamic and never static. Same 'ol same 'ol is never true when love is the agent.

operate with intent.

2005-10-15T00:37:00.000-04:00

disposition

"The disposition, or habit, which enables the human mind to judge in accord with the divine truths is wisdom, while the habit that perfects the lower reason is knowledge. Both are useful but knowledge depends on wisdom and not the reverse"
-someone smarter than me

cleaning my room I find notes with quotes or random thoughts - rarely can I trace back to where I read them or why I thought them.
yes mother(kk) I clean my room more than I did when I lived with you. I also do my dishes, laundry, and pick up after myself. thanks for all the things I did not thank you for.

2005-10-14T14:54:00.000-04:00

Eurail

I just got my eurail pass in the mail. Mixed blessing.
One side: It means I am going to Europe for a month.
Other Side: I will be in a train for about 80 hours total and away from home where various synergies are taking place.

Equates to: I must always be moving and doing something. I need to learn how to sit still, rest, and cogitate (a plug for myself). This and another trip coming up will force me to do such. I hope to stack up some blog thoughts.

It was about two months ago when I said "I need Europe" - I am growing restless, I need a taste. You see I struggle with sitting still and this means in all areas of life. So fortunate am I to get to go for work, because technically speaking I am not wussing out. I am a wuss so wussing out is frequent.

2005-10-13T09:44:00.000-04:00

noted<
Just got a call from a friend who is heavy. While i think of things that are small I am constantly confronted with things that are larger than I.
I am small.

2005-10-13T07:19:00.000-04:00

my morning prayer

Liberals whisper to me now. Conservatives speak to my soul now. Fore you are all knowing and all mighty, I implore my soul to listen to thee. Oh liberal how mighty are your ways. And how, you dear conservative, are steadfast and slow to judge. My dear liberal wrongly are you judged because you are pure in spirit lacking in nothing, walking in the absolute. I pray to thee knowing that the answer lie within your ways. Fore my american spirit knows i must side, i know it to be honest and admirable to be found within your confines and your rhetoric, because it is the american way, I am american oh liberal. I am a wasp my sweet conservative. Hear me now.

selah.

2005-10-11T12:06:00.000-04:00

By Definition

Can God make a rock so big he can not move it?
A question asked by many looking for the closest knife to stab thiests.

no knife: "So how big do you want that to be"
person with knife: "Well I dunno, big"

no knife: "Well - tell me how big and I will ask Him"

person with knife: "Shut up dude just answer the question"
no knife:"well sir if you can define yours I will answer"

person with knife: "I have a knife bro, answer the f%*$&(%$ question"
no knife: "I see your knife and its a butter knife, that actually has no blade left, it fell off back in Plato's days"

Many of the questions asked have no bases to even be asked. What is by definition impossible is not an area you can attack on. "Hey circle why are'nt you square?" - makes no sense.

Politics are, in my view, 90% illogical and unrational arguements for unrational people looking for a rational to explain their lack there of. Both "conservatives" and "liberal" only have meaning in view of the other. They exist wholly because the other does. Anything to this end can in its self derive no meaning apart from that. Therefore, once again in my opinion, have no cause to demand my time nor consideration past this point. Sure I will debate with one devoting wholly to one side or the other, but as far as me,myself, and I will not waste such time nor emotions.

I thought a funny note to add is one of the definitions of liberal is:tolerant of his opponent's opinions. lol.

Hope you are well.

2005-10-10T12:22:00.000-04:00

why blog?

Not sure.

Why am I?

To be determined.

2005-10-10T11:52:00.000-04:00

"Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die"

vs.

I want to travel the world. Get married. Learn how to love. Live in Glasgow. Read all of CS Lewis's and Plato's works. Be a CMO of a Fortune 100. Plant a church in London city centre. Love and make love. Curb consumption. Drink more coffee. Drink more wine. Dine with many. Talk less. Spend a season at La'Bri. See my father become a Christ lover. Disciple college students. Forever a student. Become more vulnerable. etc. etc.

I read a book that discusses this topic, The Divine Conspiracy, and believe this describes the balance between the two. "The Kingdom Among Us" as it's told. I believe this is the largest "miss" amongst Christians today. No prosperity message needed. No works based salvation needed.

Hey Arnold - we need to discuss once more.
Much love.